Conscience....

"Ahhh....Oh God.. My head hurts...need to puke..fast...."
Hurried steps to the bathroom and the door shuts with a slam. Sounds of vomit and then heavy panting. Silence.

Sound of running water. A prolonged silence. Muffled sounds of the shower.

I felt terribly dizzy. Everything seemed to be happening super fast today. As if the earth had doubled its speed taking the entire human race with its swing.

I took a swig of water from the bottle by the bed. Unable to hold it anymore, I ran over to the balcony and retched it out. I was dreadfully sick. "This is the worst hangover..." I sat down on the couch like an effete self professed innocent person; it was the weakness which made me hold on to my sitting position for a long time.

Another silence. The sound of the shower still continues in the background.

"Not really .. It always happens like this.." I retorted my psyche.

But it was nt that, which i dreaded. Something really awful had happened last night, something which never should have happened. It stuck me like a thump in my throat, my face began to become really hot, so much that i could feel my eyes burning. A tear drop falls on my palm, I quickly close my eyes and rub my hand against the sofa cover.

A question mark dangled over me like a sword.

"How do i answer myself..., give me an answer, God.." I thumped my fist against the sofa.

"Just how could I...." I tried to remember the last thing the previous night, a seemingly futile attempt. I just remembered the party, the dance after it and the Green Apple vodka shots. I looked at the cell lying on the ground.

"No, I can't call anybody now..."

My shoulders sagged from the enormous pressure . The ignominy of my loss, the loss of sanctity, virtues and rationale weighed down heavily on me. An event which had no reason. It was beyond all human reach, a burden that i had to carry an entire life.
The inheritance of loss.

Suddenly i felt really tiny, inexistent and denuded before the entire universe. I required shelter to hide my sinned being, an asylum where i could hide for all continuum, but could nt find any.

"I fucked up, okay... I fucked it all up..." I pressed my forehead hard against the seat cushion.

I wanted to cry. It was partly the searing headache, refusing me a coherent, rational flow of thoughts.

I was still buried in the sea of fibres of the cushion, when the sound of shower stopped. The door clicked open slowly making that familiar creaking noise. Sound of hushed footsteps.

I could not bring myself to open my eyes. I was just too weak for a confrontation right now. I felt asphyxiated, the calamities of emotions strangulating my very self. I felt innately filthy. For a moment, I wanted to run and jump out of the balcony, be pronounced dead the very next minute. I could feel the cushion dampen with my tears and moisten my cheeks with it.

Light hands on my shoulder. I stood up mechanically; still sobbing, with my face buried in the cushion. A strong reassuring hug.

I could nt hold it any longer. I cried out bitterly, letting go of the cushion and burying my reddened face in his chest. My head rocked rhythmically against his thumping heart as i sobbed piercingly, till i went short of breath. I looked up into his dark eyes.

It was a bachelor's party at the pub, almost the entire team was there. I had lost all counts of the vodka shots.But, I remembered how I picked up a fight with another person and conked out. I did nt even remember his name. But, he looked strikingly familiar. Perhaps he was from the same organisation.

He kissed my forehead reassuringly. We held each other for what seemed like a never ending moment, until we could not stay like this any longer and broke off.

His eyes turned red, "Yesterday was a mistake. Nothing of this really happened.Events like this are common in this profession. Forget about me and all of this like a bad dream. I am a married person..."

"Don't take it too hard on you boy...", he said, as he reached for the door knob.

I stood on the balcony silent and spellbound by the turn of events, my eyes transfixed on the morning sun as the door opened with the familiar creak and slammed with a bang.

It was a new day. I had to get ready for my profession.